Next Step: Cake

Just something I’m going to put out there:

It’s true that other than invasive questions and patronizing dismissals, I’ve never really gotten much crap from people who knew that I was asexual.

It’s true that many people read me as straight, and that I don’t have to deal with them harrassing about my orientation.

But then it’s also true that many people read me as lesbian and/or queer, and guess what - I’ve never gotten any crap from them either! 

In fact, the possibility of being asexual has inconvenienced me far more than the possibility of being a lesbian or bisexual did.

Because, while it’s true that my family, friends and peers, didn’t react badly to my being asexual, they are also equally supportive about the possibility that I might have been a lesbian, or bisexual - and a lot less confused and suspicious to boot.

During the time when I thought I might be a lesbian, or later when I thought I must be bisexual, the idea of coming out never scared me - my parents and peers were totally awesome and queer-friendly and there was never any worry that they might reject me or call it a “phase” or anything else.

Asexuality, on the other hand, was an unknown quantity. I didn’t know if they’d know what it was, if they’d believe me, if they’d accept it, if they’d be weird about it. Luckily for me, after the initial awkward explanations and referrals to google, it went ok. 

And so goes the story of my life.

I guess the point of all that was just to show why I find it so frustrating whenever people denigrate the issues that asexual youth face, saying “oh but those other people have it worse so shut up and stop whining.”

Granted, I was lucky. Many people would NOT be able to have that same assurance that they would be accepted even after coming out as LGBT - my situation is fairly uncommon.

But still, the thing that really hurt was the uncertainty. When young asexuals are struggling with their identities, they don’t know what’s going to happen; many don’t know whether or not their parents are going to kick them out, or send them to counseling, or forbid them from speaking of it, or mock them for it. 

And in a world where so few know anything solid about asexuality, where myths and lies abound and where even the most seemingly tolerant people can be rabidly hateful towards asexuals, many of these young asexuals have no where to turn to if things do turn out badly; they have no to tell them that it can get better; they have no one to tell their parents that it’s ok to have an asexual child.

The fact that we aren’t being dragged out into the streets and stoned doesn’t negate the problems that we still have to face every day. They may be different from the problems that other groups may face, but then that’s true of any sub group. That doesn’t mean they matter any less.

Nor should the level of horribleness of their oppression ever be the sole defining factor of someone’s identity. I mean, it’s not like we take away the queer card of every young gay person who comes out and is accepted by their family. 

Ideally, we should be aiming for a day when people will no longer have to suffer from such oppressions; clinging to them jealously as a mandatory entry requirement and harassing people for not being harassed enough doesn’t seem to help much toward that end.