AVEN @ SF Pride - T-shirt design contest!

Hey all you artsy types - 

Want a way to help out a cool group of aces, get some sweet chocolates, and earn my everlasting gratitude? 

AVEN is currently running a design contest to select a t-shirt design to be worn by all of us at pride, and we are really looking for submissions!

You don’t have to be ace to enter, and you can send in as many submissions as you want, so please consider it!

See more details here:http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/87005-aven-sf-pride-t-shirt-design-contest/

Some Thoughts On AVEN, Tumblr, and Accusations of Rape Culture

(Note: This was originally written as a reply to this thread on AVEN; it addresses some of my thoughts on the whole issues of Tumblr vs. AVEN and the accusations against AVEN’s “rape culture”. It certainly does not encompass all the issues involved, and there’s a lot more that can and probably should be discussed, but this is intended as at least a starting point. In the spirit of full disclosure, I should probably remind people that I am a member of the AVEN PT, although this post is merely a reflection of my own personal thoughts and not endorsed by AVEN in any way. However, in relation to that, if people have specific comments/complaints/questions/suggestions or anything else about AVEN, I would love to hear them. Also, if anyone has any questions or would like to discuss or have clarified anything I’ve written below, please let me know)

As someone heavily involved in both the AVEN and tumblr sides of things, I think there’s a lot of factors at work here. 

Unfortunately, I think one of the biggest reasons that AVEN has such a big reputation for “rape culture” on tumblr is that once the idea started, it’s something that can never be disproved or amended to everyone’s satisfaction. All too often, I see people warning others away from AVEN because it’s a transphobic heterosexist rape culture-y cesspool - only to admit that they’ve never actually been on AVEN. Or they went on it once four years ago. Or they heard from someone who heard from someone. It’s like it’s just become and accepted fact on Tumblr that AVEN is the scum of the earth and no one ever seems to question that. 

Of course, that doesn’t mean that there isn’t problematic stuff on AVEN - there definitely is. Just like there’s problematic stuff on Tumblr, or in real life, or anywhere that people with differing opinions gather. However, I think that the amount of stuff does tend to get exaggerated - people keep citing the same one or two threads (out of hundred), or dredging up posts from several years previously, as reason to forever discount the entire site. And there’s also a lot of vague “I saw transphobic stuff” but without any links or citations or details it’s hard to know what exactly they are referring to, which makes it impossible to verify - and also impossible to fix if we can’t figure out what was so wrong in the first place.

However, aside from the few actually really bad statements that continually get dredged up, I think a lot of the accusations just result from idealogical differences.

As discussed before, differing issues on “compromise” and whether unenthusiastic consent is valid are certainly one of the major points. In fact, several accusations of rape culture do trace back to instances where asexuals have discussed compromising about sex because they think it would help their relationship. And I think what happens is that there are some people on tumblr who would never want to have sex for that reason, but forget that not everyone feels the same - they know that they would never consent to sex in a relationship without coercion, so they assume that anyone who is consenting (or considering consenting) to sex in such a situation must therefore also be coerced, and have troubling imaging a case where it would not be coercion. 

Of course, that is not always the case - I for one am an ace who would definitely be willing to consent to sex in order to get/maintain a relationship, or because a partner wanted it, or many other reasons that I know others would not - and for me, it would be completely consensual and not coerced. However, it can be hard to completely understand another persons motivations, and so it may be hard to really get that for some people, it is not coercion or rape. And that’s an issue that goes both way. For example, it can be extremely difficult for some to understand why intense persuasion (enough to be coercion) would be considered rape. I admit to this myself - as someone who is not really vulnerable to emotional pressure at all, it can be hard for me to understand why people don’t “just say no” - even if I can somewhat understand it on a theoretical level, it just clashes with my own experience so much that it’s hard to completely wrap my head around it. 

I think another thing that plays a large part in the tumblr/AVEN conflict is the difference in the way that problematic statements on the two platforms are dealt with. On tumblr,the general response to anything deemed “problematic” is to “call it out” - a response which can be anything from politely reasoned responses to just hurling insults. Whether beneficial or not, this kind of response is very visible, instant and self gratifying. It gives people a satisfaction that “rape culture” (or whatever else the issue is) has been properly objected to.

AVEN, on the other hand, has moderation that is relatively invisible. Warns and nudges are not public, so there isn’t as much of a visceral sense of “punishment” for the alleged wrongdoers. And so since the evidence of responses to “rape culture” may be largely invisible, people may often assume that it isn’t there at all (which is not true). 

Related to this is another thing that seems to anger certain parts of the tumblr crowd, which is when they are reprimanded for “calling out” problematic statements the way they are used to doing on tumblr. The problem with that style of call out is not the calling out itself, but when call-outs become personal attacks on other users. One of the goals of AVEN is to try and make it as safe as is feasible for all members - not just the ones who agree with you. However, many people who are used to the tumblr style of unmoderated, community response don’t completely understand why their call-outs have been, in return called out. They just see it as a defense of “rape culture” rather than a defense of the person’s right to not be harrassed, regardless of opinion. 

However, I do think that there is a good reason for things to be this way on AVEN. Although the tumblr call-out culture can be rather satisfying, it can also be incredibly harmful. There are a lot of people who are less familiar with asexuality (or other subjects) who get harassed for accidentally saying something ignorant because they didn’t know better, or who get insulted and abused because they didn’t happen to “toe-the party line”. The end result is that people who are confused or don’t know much are often too intimidated to try and figure out what they ever did wrong. 
(There’s an excellent article about the problems of tumblr call-out culture here)

And all too often on tumblr, disagreements with statements escalate into attacks on the person: i.e. “so-and-so said they think sex is a reasonable expectation in a relationship, they’re a terrible heterosexist rape-culture apologist asexual-hater who should never be allowed to enter any asexual community ever again”; there’s also a lot of call-out culture that comes way to close to just being bullying and aggression.

Of course, there are pitfalls to the AVEN system too: the invisibility of it means that it’s not always clear when things have been addressed, and being civil to everyone even if you completely disagree with everything they say can be stifling. So, for some people, the AVEN style just isn’t what suits them - just as the Tumblr culture just doesn’t work for a lot of people. I don’t think that necessarily means that one system is better than the other, but I do think that it does contribute to why many people on each site distrust the other. 

And a then there’s just a couple other miscellaneous things that I see popping up sometimes. One is that I think part of the issue is that AVEN has a much longer “memory” for old posts and such - post on AVEN stay accessible, and people will keep seeing them. Tumblr, on the other hand, moves at such a rapid pace that anything offensive disappears from memory and attention within a couple hours, and so no one cares - or even notices - if nothing is done. As such, things that would pass unnoticed on tumblr are zeroed in on on AVEN.

The other difference, I think, is that people may simply have higher expectations of AVEN. On tumblr, because it is an open, unmoderated community, offensive statements or statements that are disagreed with can be dismissed as just “haters” or “trolls” or stupid heterosexists/transhaters/bigots - but basically, things can often be blamed on “outsiders”. On the other hand, on AVEN, a primarily asexual community, it’s harder to dismiss things, and there’s also a pressure to be the “unassailable asexual”, to be an enlightened group of individuals free from all prejudice. And while I think it’s good for people to have high expectations, I think that they forget that being part of a minority doesn’t automatically make a person completely prejudice-free and completely understanding of the situations and etiquette of other minorities. The people on AVEN are people the same as elsewhere, and there may be people who have different views, or who may be ignorant of a lot of things - just like the rest of the universe. I think that needs to accepted, and it’s a reason to try and educate people, but give them chances to learn instead of demonizing them or exiling them forever.

tl;dr: I don’t think that AVEN is particularly rape culture-y, but I do think that differences in ideology and attittudes between AVEN and tumblr can escalate conflicts, and that a lot of misunderstandings and assumptions have caused AVENs supposed reputation for rape culture to be greatly and unfairly exaggerated there. 

Come one, come all! Feminist and Social Justice blogging as performance and bloodshed

An excellent (though rather long article) that does a good job of explaining how the call-out culture on tumblr (and elsewhere) is troubling:

Relevent excerpts below:

“Call out culture, a phenomenon that casual readers might not even notice, is to me, the most toxic aspect of blogging. Not because it is set to correct wrongs and engage in meaningful ways to actually enact change. No, call out culture is toxic because it has developed as a tool to legitimize aggression and rhetoric violence. Its intent, at the root, is seemingly positive. Constructive even. It works more or less like this: I say something ignorant. Perhaps I make a statement that can be constructed as bigoted or maybe “problematic”. A favorite word in call out culture, problematic is more often than not, used to mean “I didn’t like it” or alternatively, “I disagree with you”. But instead of saying you, the audience disagrees with me, you will call my statement “problematic”. And because we have established that we are at once consumers and producers of media content, you create a blog post or a tweet or a Facebook update “calling me out”. And more often than not, in your post, you tell your readers, other prosumers, to please join you in this call out. BECAUSE THIS IS A SERIOUS WRONG THAT NEEDS TO BE CORRECTED! Unbeknown to me, there are now ten posts in ten different blogs and social media platforms calling me a “BIGOT AND THE WORST PERSON EVER”. Each time, every one of these posts escalating in rhetoric and volume. Each new post trying to outperform the previous one in outrage, in anger, in righteousness. This performance of acrimony and reproach turns into the “pile on”. And I will have to apologize for what I said. At this point, since I am nervous and probably anxious because I am being called THE WORST PERSON EVER, my apology will not be stellar. I might dig a deeper hole even, because hey, I cannot properly articulate when I feel that I am under duress. I might, at this point, say something that is truly, really “problematic”, not just perceived as such, but, to put it in plain words, I might say something shitty. AND OMG at this point the “call out” will escalate out of proportion. Now I am not just THE WORST PERSON EVER but since we have established that I was “a known feminist blogger” (and if I wasn’t up to that moment, I am now because my name is all over the internet!), then, it will be known that I, on my own, HAVE RUINED FEMINISM FOR EVER. And I, alone, will be proof of ALL OF FEMINISM’S PAST FAILURES. FOR EVER.

Call out culture might, at times, dangerously resemble bullying. However, it is not exactly the same. It certainly shares its outcome, however, unlike bullying, call out culture is part of the performative aspect of blogging. Unlike bullying, a call out is intended for an audience.

And here’s the thing, on the surface, call outs are done “for good”. Of course shitty statements need to be challenged, nobody would deny that. Of course those who are hurt by shitty statements deserve to be recognized in their grief and deserve a sincere apology. But that’s not at the root of “call out culture”. The intent behind it, more often than not, is just to make the one initiating the call out feel good, more righteous, more indignant, a “better person”. In the end, the call out is not done for the benefit of a collective goal, it is done for entertainment and shocking value. Call outs are to blogging what Big Brother voting rounds are to reality TV: you have been found wanting and you are now expelled from the house. Because, of course, this is what is rarely mentioned, someone might be attempting to audition for your seat. Someone who thinks they are more righteous, better, more politically engaged than you.

And oh, how the audience loves these moments! They amplify them because at their root, they are perceived as “drama”, a word often used to described these situations. Someone will jump in and say it “There is so much drama going on with [person who blogs] right now!”. I find it telling that we use a word so deeply connected to performance, drama, to define the central repercussion of call out culture.

At its deepest, call out culture is unquestionably reductionist. It forces us to “take sides”, to pick a side and stick to it, or else, to be “called out” as traitors. Say I, as a Latina, an essential focus of my political identity, am also interested in Health Care rights, more specifically, in Mental Health issues. A blogger who focuses on Mental Health and disability rights made a bigoted statement about Latin@s. I generally love this blogger, but this one statement was really bigoted. Now, I will be forced to “pick a side”. I either stand with my fellow Latin@s (how could I not?) or I stand with the other Health Care activists who are not necessarily defending the shitty statement but trying to bring some much needed perspective into the whole affair. But no, I *must* pick a side and stick to it. Within the context of call out culture, I *must* show my allegiance to one cause and one cause only. Nuance and intersectionality be damned. Because, as we have established above, the person being called out is obviously “the worst person ever” and nothing they have ever said and nothing they will say from this point forward has any value whatsoever.

There is this taboo behind call out culture as well. Because those who have been at the receiving end of a call out and its most visible consequence, the pile-on, will not speak of what happened to them in the aftermath. They will silently hope that the “audience” moves on and forgets the whole affair, which has usually been painful and emotional. But to say something of the phenomenon might trigger a whole new round of abuse. It might initiate a new round of pile ons, and further call outs, and further re-enactment of outrage in a never ending cycle. And I suspect one of the reasons it is taboo to speak of what happened is because “call out culture” is perceived as being “owned” by the oppressed, in the sense that the people initiating these call outs will, of course, do so because “they are being oppressed” by the “problematic” statements. That, right there, obturates any possible discussion: who would deny that a person who is oppressed has the right to react to their oppression in an expeditious manner? Who will point at an oppressed person and say “you have no right to react to your oppression”? A “call out” is like the Godwin Law of Social Justice blogging, once it is initiated, there is no further discussion, engagement can only come in the form of some deep self flagellation and profuse apologies. And of course, I have seen some recurring names in regular and persistent call out episodes ALSO make truly shitty statements on unrelated occasions. Sometimes even bigoted and deeply prejudiced statements. And those will remain unchallenged because who would want to trigger a possible backlash? Thus, the taboo and silence behind the phenomenon. We call it “drama”, the prosumer audience amplifying it because hey, who doesn’t want to stand by the oppressed?! Who doesn’t want to be one of the good guys?!!

What is rarely pointed out is that a person can be at once oppressed and an abuser.

Human beings are complex creatures, not these receptacles of “good” OR “evil”. At once good in some aspects and gross in others. Simultaneously oppressed and oppressors. However, in this performative culture of blogging all of this subtlety is often obscured. You are either “one of the good guys” or “you are the worst person ever”. You play the role of “hero” or you play “the villain”. However, I must question this dichotomy because call outs, and the modus operandi behind them, the pile-on, can potentially kill people. The most virulent call outs can exacerbate existing PTSD. They can drive a person to severe episodes of anxiety and/ or depression, they can lead someone to feel isolated and suicidal. It is a toxic and destructive phenomenon, wherein blog post after blog post are made, each escalating in virulence. And Social Media amplifies the episode, with Tweets and Facebook status and comments left on the person’s blog and eventually emails. Private emails (more often than not anonymous) with further abuse and further diminishing and denigrating language, with invitations to kill yourself, to stop “polluting the world” with your presence If the blogger in question is queer, they will be purposefully misgendered; if they are non White, they will be de-racialized to erase their context and background; if they speak English as a second language (which might sometimes explain the reason why they used some icky words to begin with), that tidbit will be downplayed or just plain ignored; if they are working class or poor, their class struggles deliberately obscured or just completely obliterated (even in cases when the very same class and educational background could explain the originally “problematic” statement that triggered the call out to begin with). And again, I must insist on the insidious nature of this culture: who would dare say a thing about it when it is supposedly done against oppression? So the recipient of a call out is isolated (remember what I mentioned about being forced to take sides?), told by a crowd of prosumers who are fascinated by this “drama” that they are worthless, not even deserving of the air they breath.

And we, in the blogging community, cheer and applaud this behavior. Moreover, we actively take part in it. And if not, we remain silent because well, AGAIN, who would speak up against “fighting oppression”?”

Fourth Act: in which there is no Deus ex Machina but the ultimate artifice is revealed and we all lose but the kyriarchy, as usual, remains triumphant over all of us

No. Really. We all lose. Because all of this performance and the cycles of abuse and the outdoing each other for entertainment get us nowhere. They are distractions and, more often than not, they obscure most structural analysis. And what is worse, they end up silencing valuable and meaningful people who burn out from participating in this, our culture.

I do not write because I have hopes of changing the world at large. I write to overcome loneliness. Yours, mine, ours. I put out these words every day hoping that we will see each other for whom we truly are: difficult, fucked up, monstrous, generous, brilliant, capable of immense good and capable of unspeakable evil. I write because I know that I am inhabited by all of these potentials. And I know that so are you. Each and every one of you is capable of all the goodness and of all the awfulness. But words are all I have to exorcise the possible hurtful outcomes. My words which have always been actions, a call to act. A DEMAND to action. However, just like each and everyone of you, I am not the one pulling the strings of this performance. Or, if you prefer, neither of us is the Puppet Master. Instead, we are part of a bigger, much bigger stage where we are set to play our parts, not just as bloggers but as human beings. But we do have some degree of control. We can choose the part we will play today, we can pick the words that we will say and the actions that those words will entail. And that’s what lays at the bottom of my blogging and writing: a desire to unmask the ultimate artifice, or, better said, I write to unmask how the kyriarchy makes us active and necessary participants, how each and every one of us is a necessarily complicit actor to perpetuate it.

Be it patriarchal heteronormativity, or racism or anti queer hatred, or transphobia, xenophobia, misogyny, sexism, ageism, bigotry, fatphobia, misandry, or any of the hundreds of possible prejudices: all of them are potentially within me. And within you. Because we cannot escape the structures we are part of, we cannot avoid being at once oppressed and oppressors. But it is not all doom and gloom, there IS a way out of it and it is by remaining actively aware of these potentials within us. By being conscious of them. However, I contend that this performative culture that has taken hold of us, be it in blogging or participating in Social Media at large has also obscured this awareness of our potentials. Because we are supposedly “the good guys”. We are the ones “fighting oppression!” So common wisdom dictates that we are “the heros!” in this narrative and the villains, the “bad guys”, are the ones who stand against us. And we buy into this narrative because it is comforting, it is reassuring, it makes us feel good about ourselves. However, the perversity of it is not readily apparent: while we position ourselves as “the good guys”, we necessarily need an antagonist, someone who needs to be positioned as “the villain”. And herein lays the perversity: more often than not, this same oppressive structure places our antagonist within Feminism and/or Social Justice. And you know why I think we are constantly positioned against each other? Because we all care. In our own ways, sometimes completely unaware of our potential for prejudice but we do care, and we respond and we engage, in a never ending cycle that is simultaneously our collective strength and the root of some of the most abusive and vile aspects of our culture.

Before I exit for today, I would like to leave one final thought, which is neither a demand, nor a plead but a reflection: I would like to believe that amidst all of these cries for performances of grief, amidst the intra community abuses and the dilution of the bigger pictures in the name of a constant requirement to outperform each other as a form of entertainment, we can do better. We need to be the change we demand in others. We cannot claim to be against these injustices while, at the same time, we either unknowingly perpetuate them or remain silent while others do so. Change, after all, can only start from within, and, without a deep examination of how our own actions are part of this, there will not be any significant shift. There will only be more seasons of reality TV blogging and media engagements. And there is nothing revolutionary or radical in Reality TV by now, there is just voyeurism and inane navel gazing.

read the full article here: http://tigerbeatdown.com/2011/10/17/come-one-come-all-bloggers-bear-it-all-out-feminist-and-social-justice-blogging-as-performance-and-bloodshed/

Regarding asexuals and consent

I originally made this post back in April, but since the subject of asexuals and consent (esp. in reference to rape culture) has been coming up again recently, I thought it might be a nice time to bring it back. I’ll hopefully write up a more detailed explanation of why I have such a problem with enthusiastic consent sometime soon. 

—————-

When talking about people who don’t want sex but consent to it, it’s important to differentiate between:

A. People who do not want sex: they may not care for it,  but they do not have any desire not to have sex

B. People who do not want sex: it’s not just that they don’t have desire for it, but that they also have a desire not to to . 

In the case of A - such as an asexual person who does not experience sexual attraction but isn’t averse to sex, it is perfectly possible to legitimately give consent, and it’s not “unhealthy”

The problem is if someone who falls under B is guilted or coerced into having sex despite actively wanting not to (and by the way, if it’s coerced, it’ not consensual), which would basically be rape.

Unfortunately, since A and B both sound the same (“people who do not want sex”), it can be unclear which situation a person is referring to, which leads to a lot of confusions and never-ending arguments. So, it’s important to establish what kind of situations one is referring to.

—

As far as my personal thoughts on enthusiastic consent: I don’t like it’s implication that I cannot decide for myself what I do or do not want to do, and what my own boundaries are. I am perfectly capable of deciding when I want to engage in sexual activity, and if I choose to engage in sexual activity even without attraction being present, that is my own choice and it’s really none of your business. 

LA Pride - Ace Meetup!

Anyone interested in meeting up at LA Pride this weekend? I was going to go up and watch the parade on Sunday, and I’d love to meet up with some other aces!

We could meet at the Academy of Couture Art - It’s very recognizable, and close to the parade. We could meet in the courtyard, by the triangle/fountain. We could meet there at say, 10:00 or 10:30. The parade starts at 11, I think, so that would give us time to go find a spot to watch from.

I can also message people my cell number if that helps.

Also, another note - it’ll probably be almost impossible to park there, so I’d recommend taking public transit (even though it kinda sucks here) or allowing a lot of extra time to look for parking and walk if you have to park far away.

Also, if you want to go to the PRIDE festival you have to buy a pass - you can get one online(probably the best way), and I think you can buy on site too. Watching the parade itself is completely free though! 

if you have any questions, feel free to message me!

Queerness, asexuality, and disability

Signal Boost! if you have any suggestions, please pass them along! And help spread the word!

cupcakemichi:

So I have a final presentation in my queer/disability studies class, and I’m writing it on asexuality! So if you know of any articles about asexuality, or ESPECIALLY articles related to *BOTH* asexuality *AND* disability (or personal experiences! Feel free to message or email me at rah55m[at]gmail[dot]com if you’re uncomfortable posting it here) or even just asexuality, please send me links! Or tell me stories! Help me do an AWESOME presentation!!! (Pretty please!) 

[Details after break]

Read More

nextstepcake: “I’m not straight, I’m not gay, then what am I? I really hate not knowing this about myself”  - Mitsuya I found this manga (“sweet prisoner”, a oneshot in Migite ni Juu Hidarite ni Ai) at about the time that I was first coming to terms with being asexual, and it really resonated. It’s the best depiction of asexuality I’ve ever seen in any manga or anime-the only thing that could make it better is if they actually used the word asexual. (note - reads right to left) reblogging from myself because I’ve been re-reading this and it is as adorable as ever. The last panel of the manga (not shown here) makes it seem like he might be demi rather than just ace, but it’s still a storyline that really resonates from an ace perspective. 
Pop-upView Separately

nextstepcake:

“I’m not straight, I’m not gay, then what am I? I really hate not knowing this about myself”  - Mitsuya

I found this manga (“sweet prisoner”, a oneshot in Migite ni Juu Hidarite ni Ai) at about the time that I was first coming to terms with being asexual, and it really resonated. It’s the best depiction of asexuality I’ve ever seen in any manga or anime-the only thing that could make it better is if they actually used the word asexual.

(note - reads right to left)

reblogging from myself because I’ve been re-reading this and it is as adorable as ever. The last panel of the manga (not shown here) makes it seem like he might be demi rather than just ace, but it’s still a storyline that really resonates from an ace perspective. 

(via littlepaperfrogs)

Source: nextstepcake

The AVEN identity crisis

(Drawn from another convo, but it’s a point that I think is interesting, and I think it would be interesting to hear people’s thoughts on this.)

AVEN is for the most part an excellent site, in my view, but it does admittedly run into problems sometimes because it is trying to do too many things at once, and they can hamper each other. Now, for many years there wasn’t a way around this, since there was no other place that any of these cold be done. But with the ace community expanding now, it’s something to be considered. 

The various roles that I have seen AVEN trying to be include:

1. A safe space

2. An inclusive community

3. A welcoming ground for newbies

4. A source of active visibility and education work (largely through the PT, but also through activity planning in the forums)

5. A centralized hub for information. (through the static content on the front page and updates on events in the forums)

Of course, many of these things can conflict with each other. For example, trying to make a space that is welcoming to newbies means that older, more experienced members can feel like they spend all their time on ASEX 101 and aren’t able to discuss things on a higher level. And having an all-inclusive community is not compatible with having an ace-only safe space. In addition, it’s hard to both promote vis/ed and also be a safe space for aces - visibility and education means interacting a lot with non-aces, with people who have misconceptions, and other things that can be uncomfortable for some aces. I know that one thing many aces want is an ace space that will not be intruded on by outsiders  - but this is something that is not compatible with also doing visibility and education work. It’s pretty much impossible to make a single space completely comfortable for both people looking to ask questions and people who wish to avoid any misconceptions about asexuality.

As for my personal thoughts, I think that AVEN tends to work best as a source of vis/ed work, a gateway for people new to the ace community, and a way to gather and disseminate news and information throughout the ace community.

What it is not as good for is having more advanced/radical discussions of asexuality. With the vast numbers of newbies, most time on AVEN is dealing with simpler stuff. I actually kind of prefer tumblr for more theoretical musings, even though discussions are more chaotic and hard to follow.

The most difficult thing, though, is developing a real safe space. A good ace safe-space would have to be ace specific, and focused more on internal community than on doing visibility or education work outside the community. As I think AVEN’s most important role right now is in vis/ed work and being a contact point for media, researchers, non-aces, etc. who want to lean more, It’s not really capable of being a solely ace focused community. However, a safe space would also need to be heavily modded, to deal with trolls and tumblrs and people getting out of line, etc. So things like tumblr are out. At the moment, I think there is not good alternative for a safe space, which is why AVEN, as the only prominent, modded ace community - is still stuck attempting to play that role even if it’s not the best suited for it. 

In Defense of AVEN

in response to the commentary around this: http://writingfromfactorx.tumblr.com/post/19250064556/lizziegoneastray-writingfromfactorx

also, full disclosure: I am a member of the AVEN Project Team

ok. well, first of all, without more accurate information I can’t really comment on the initial quote, since it’s completely unsourced and provides no context. I also have some serious doubts about the legitimacy of the quote, especially the last part - I’ve talked to DJ, and that’s not the kind of thing he’d say. (and also just want to say that leaking the content of other people’s private conversations without their permission is rather rude.) But I would like to respond to a lot of what’s been mentioned in the commentary:

First, in regards to DJ and Cole: at this point, their primary responsibility is to keep the site running smoothly on a day-to-day basis, fixing technical bugs, making sure the servers don’t go down, etc. Which in itself can take a lot of work. And in addition to that, they both have a lot going on in their own personal and professional lives, so expecting them to spend all their waking hours checking every post on AVEN for anything offensive is unreasonable.

And that’s why other duties such as blocking spammers and trolls, responding to reports of problematic posts, general forum upkeep, etc. has been passed on to the Admods, who under the current system are elected from the pool of general members, by the general members. (my thoughts on this system are another matter). Admods are just people, the same as anyone else - and so sometimes they can slip up and do stupid things, and they can’t always catch every problematic sentence. But I think they often don’t get a lot of respect for what they do, which takes up a lot of time and effort. Most mod action goes on in the backroom, so you can’t always see how much time is spent deleting hateful posts, blocking users who are here only to troll, responding to reported posts, etc. When the admods do their job well, they are nearly invisible - which is why for most people, they only think about the mods when something goes wrong. In addition, the admods have a fine line to walk - on the one hand, they want to deal with problematic statements to make AVEN a safe place, but there’s a thing line between moderation and censorship/dictatorship, which is something we try to avoid.

But you know what? mods are only human. The users of these communities are only human. So yes, there are problematic things that get said a lot. But that’s not something exclusive to AVEN - I see a lot of that here too. And in fact, theres a lot of shit that goes down here that quite frankly would never be allowed to fly on AVEN. The responses of the tumblr community to people who are inexperienced with ace matters and sometimes say ignorant things are rarely polite and friendly - instead, they tend to get insulted, bashed, cussed at, even sometimes receiving death threats or rape threats - and that is unnacceptable.  That is not a good way to promote visibility.

There is a difference, though, that I see in attitudes between tumblr and AVEN. On the one hand, AVEN often seems to have a focus on welcoming and educating newbies, and it a lot more tolerant of people who come in with a lot of problematic views - the fact that these are problematic gets pointed out, but they aren’t bashed the way they often are on tumblr. Instead, we try to give them tie to understand why what they’ve said is problematic. However, when you are a more experienced ace, it can definitely be frustrating to see people coming in with the same misconceptions over and over again. Tumblr, on the other hand, seems to focus on more experienced aces, and it can be nice to have a community where more advanced and more critical dialogue can go on. But on the other hand, if you are new to the community and aren’t familiar with the etiquette of what is and isn’t ok to say, tumblr is not accommodating at all, and any few attempts to calmly educated get drowned out by people shouting insults and shaming them down - it’s not really a safe place for newbies. 

And in addition, AVEN plays an incredibly important role in the fact that it is the only large, centralized community that currently exists. Yes, there’s tumblr, which is quite large, but it’s scattered and disorganized and fast moving and vitriolic and also filled with trolls and haters and porn in the tags. It’s not necessarily a good place for people who are just beginning to find the ace community and want to learn more. The format of AVEN is one of it’s main advantages - threads are much stabler and easier to navigate than confusing chains of tumblr reblogs, conversations are more linear, and it’s also much freer from trolls and spam and a lot of the hate that plagues the ace tags.

And with regards to AVENs role in VisEd work, it is again important because it has a more centralized structure - it provides a clear, specific, and reliable point of contact; it’s large membership provides plentiful sources when looking for people to talk to the media or for researchers with surveys, etc; it has people who are experienced in dealing with media and researchers who know who to contact, what to do, etc. In addition, it has an established history that gives it greater name-value and credentials. And as for conducting projects and such, the format is simply much more practical: attempting to plan or organize something via a format like tumblr is simply to difficult. 

Also, a couple other points that have come to mind:

With regards to AAW, it is indeed a good example of some of the initiatives that have come out of the AVEN community. However, I’d also liek to point out that AAW has also grown to the point where at this stage it is really it’s own organization now rather than merely a branch of AVEN - which is a good thing, because although I personally still like AVEN, I’m don’t think it should be the only representation of asexuality, which is much larger than any one org. 

EDIT: actually, it’s been pointed out to me that the originally impetus for AAW actually was not through AVEN - although there was a lot of communication between AAW and AVEN, AAW has in fact always existed as a separate org.

And with regards to discussions of AVEN’s static content and front page  - I’m not sure how much I can say, but the fact that it is so out of date is indeed something that’s being addressed. 

(and if anyone want to talk about issues they have had with AVEN, or has questions about how things work, I’m always open to talk. Also, I realize AVEN does have problems, I just think it’s not the nest of Evil that tumblr makes it out to be soemtimes. And I want those problems to be fixed, so if you have specific complaints please let me know!)