Next Step: Cake • Some thoughts on ace rings

Some thoughts on ace rings

I’ve gotten a couple of asks about ace rings,* so I figured I’d just make a post rather than repeating the same information over and over in asks.

*If you don’t know about the ace ring, it’s a black-ish ring worn on the middle finger of the right hand.

I wear an ace ring. It’s made of hematite (and it’s magnetic, so sometimes I come home with staples stuck to it, which is kind of awesome). I’ve been wearing it non-stop for…almost a year and a half now. Before that I wore it on a chain around my neck some of the time and on my finger some of the time. Almost all of my ace friends wear ace rings. I don’t know if they wear ace rings because of peer pressure or what; you’d have to ask them. When I went to the ace meet-up a few weeks ago, I’d say roughly 1/3 of the attendees were wearing rings. So, yeah, it’s a thing in the ace community, but it’s not a universal thing. If you want to wear an ace ring, you should. If you don’t want to, don’t.

That said, when people ask me about ace rings or just when I’m trawling the ace tags, I see some…interesting reasons to wear an ace ring. I think some people might not understand what the purpose of the ace ring is/what exactly the ace ring does. It does not grant you the power to be magically and painlessly out to everyone ever. It does not act as a homing beacon for other aces. It will not make people be less hostile to you when you come out. Sorry, but this is the reality we live in. That said, there are some really good reasons to wear an ace ring! So, anyway, I decided to write a post outlining some of the good (and not so good) reasons to wear an ace ring.

Read More

for what it’s worth, I’ve had people comment on my ring, but that’s mostly because it was an unusual style; and people usually say “that’s cool!” rather than “what does it mean?”

It can also be one way to try and find meetup groups: when you walk into a cafe and aren’t sure if the group of people you see is an ace group, you can check to see if there’s an unusual number of black rings…

Overall though, they don’t make a very good identifier just because so many non-aces wear black rings on their middle fingers just because rings are cool and the middle finger is a common place to wear them. (Which leads to the thoughts like “Is that guy on the bus ace? I mean he has a black ring….but also like five other rings…..”) It has too many false positives to be a good identifier. If you want to be out effortlessly, though, shirts with “asexual” in large letters have worked quite well for me.

As for why I personally wear a ring: I think it’s largely a self-confidence thing. Like, before I was out, it was a way to remind myself that yes, what I am is real, I am not just weird or broken. It was a way to work up the confidence to really accept that and to eventually start coming out completely. Now, it’s a way to remind myself that I exist, and that I’m not alone.

And after wearing it for about two years, it’s also just become a comfort item. When I don’t have it, it fells weird. Like forgetting to put on a shirt. It’s to the point where I now have a noticeable ring tan.

(And another sillier reason: rings are also very nice to fiddle with in class if you have restless fingers like me)

ETA: as a side note, if you are looking for a conversation starter to talk about asexuality, some things that can work better:

-leave out a book/article/blog post about asexuality in a common area

-sit around prominently reading “understanding asexuality” or something similar

-prominently watch, or casually mention something about shortland street or something else with asexual characters.

-prominently watch/read some of the news reports on asexuality

-leave AVEN (or some site with “asexuality” in large letters) up on your screen

-wear a shirt with “asexual” or something on it

-carry around a giant 5” ace flag (this is impractical but it certainly gets attention…)