Asexy Fic I Know About
So there was a fanfic flamingo a couple of weeks ago about asexy fic, and a lot of people in the comments were like, “What? Where!?!?!” So, here is a list of the fic I personally know about including asexuality, demi/grey-asexuality, or asexy themes (as of 6/31/11). I haven’t read all of it (I’m not even in some of the fandoms), so I can’t vouch for all of them, but more is better than less. Fics are in no order, fandoms are in roughly in order of how much asexy fic they have that I know of. Please feel free to add more to the list yourself, or to send links to me to add :D
Penny: I have to ask: what’s Sheldon’s deal? Is it girls…? Guys…? Sock puppets…? Leonard: Honestly, we’ve been operating under the assumption that he has no deal. Penny: Come on, everyone has a deal. Wolowitz: Not Sheldon.
—The Big Bang Theory
In most fiction you encounter tropes involving sexuality. You run into occasions such as Everyone Is Gay, No Bisexuals, Everyone Is Bi, or Anything That Moves. You hear Silly Love Songs about Intercourse with You, and see Love Dodecahedrons, Kiss Kiss Slapping, Slap Slap Kissing, and oodles of Shipping.
What you don’t seem to see are many characters who are of an age or situation to get sexually attracted - but aren’t. You don’t see many characters who aren’t particularly interested in having sex or involving themselves in a relationship with anyone.
It is difficult to showcase a lack of something, so it is understandable that this orientation is often ignored, especially in works with No Hugging No Kissing. However, this also leads to the common assumption that everyone is interested in sex, which can lead to awkward feelings for the asexual audience when sex is shown to be something everyone does and wants.
It should be noted that asexuals are not incapable of sex or falling in love. Asexuality is often the lack of sexual attraction rather than sex drive or emotional attraction. As such, asexuals who are more indifferent to sex rather than actively averse to it may be quite capable of sex and masturbation (though this is not usually directed at any object of desire) if they need to. Asexuals in romantic relationships with sexual individuals, for example, may have no problem having intercourse with their partners for the sake of said relationship even if the act itself may not have the same significance or appeal as it would to sexual individuals. Unlike the aforementioned fully sexual individuals, asexuals do not actively desire said sexual actions and will not miss said acts at all if denied to them.
It should also be noted that, simply because a person is asexual, it doesn’t mean they don’t enjoy a good hug, and some may even like kissing. It changes from person to person as it does in everything else to the point where some have decided to call themselves demisexual. Normally lumped in with asexuals, but they can feel sexual desire once every other blue moon or tied into intense emotions. Some asexuals are “aromantic”, too — not only are they uninterested in sex, but also in romance. Human sexuality being ridiculously complicated, there are a few people who are aromantic but not asexual, and some are attracted to both sexes but only romantically oriented towards one or the other.
Statistically speaking, asexual people are far rarer even than gay people, and can often bear the brunt of misunderstanding from gay and straight people alike. Not to be confused with the biological term asexuality, which describes an organism that reproduces by itself without meiosis, ploidy reduction, or fertilization.
(Note: I like TV Tropes, and there’s several interesting points presented here. Click here or on the link title to read examples (or perceived examples!) of asexuality in television, novels, etc.)
Gotta love tvtropes. That’s actually where I first encountered non-joking use of asexuality as an actual human orientation. It’s also what led me to find AVEN. It actually seems to be a surprisingly common way for people to first hear about asexuality.
[image: a group of about fifteen people, most wearing shades of purple and white, posed to take a picture. In front is a purple banner with “AVEN” and “asexuality.org” written in white letters. Five people are holding large silver balloons spelling out ASEXY on sticks. A few other people are holding large purple balloons shaped like hearts, and one person is holding a flag striped in black, gray, white, and purple, the asexual colors. Most of the people are not looking at the camera, as though the picture was taken before everyone was ready. End description.]
Sooo much fun. Totally worth the sunburns. And so cool to meet so many aces!
A random moment of Ace-ness
We’ve all heard of the phrase “I’d tap that” right? My friends and I often use it jokingly. (And since I’m a lesbian-romantic ace, I occasionally get a little giggly over someone I find especially cute.) Well, the other day at I was at work and spacing out, thinking about a movie I had recently watched and how pretty the main character was. And I thought idly to myself, “Yeah, I’d snuggle that.”
Then I realized I’m the only person I know who would take a sexually-charged pop-culture phrase and turn it into something snuggle-related. Gods, I love being ace! xD
“Asexuality in fandom, asexual representation in fandom, attitudes towards asexuality in fandom, all of that - these are changing incredibly quickly. Eighteen months ago I was astounded to see more than, like, two other fannish aces around. A year ago, if you’d told me we’d be criticising particular tropes in asexual fic at this point I would have laughed in your face because what asexual fic? At that point I could count the number I’d seen on one hand. After Sherlock came out, I think most of us were too excited by people actually writing ace fic,sexual people writing ace fic even! to pay much mind to assumptions and stereotypes and tropes. Now, we are. It makes me really curious as to where we’ll be in a year’s time!
And I really don’t think we can properly talk about asexuality-in-fandom without taking that into account.”
Kaz has neat things to say about the way asexuality and fandom interact. Go read this, it’s very very interesting.
fascinating. And pretty true about the whole sherlockian ace fanfic revolution - that was what got me into asexual fanfiction.
Asexuality = Not experiencing sexual attraction Demisexuality: Not experiencing primary sexual attraction, only when a strong emotional bond is formed Grey-A: Identifying in the grey area of sexuality, between asexuality and sexuality
Asexuality ≠ Celibacy Love ≠ Sex Marriage ≠ Sex Sexual attraction ≠ Sexual behaviour Sexual orientation ≠ Romantic orientation Asexuality ≠ Slut-shaming Demisexuality ≠ Slut-shaming Sexual ≠ Slut Having sex ≠ Slut Not having sex ≠ Prude
Why was Dan Savage allowed to be in our documentary? No, seriously, why? He is no friend to the asexual community, from what I’ve seen.
Personally, I don’t really think anyone but the documentary makers have the right to say who is “allowed”: to be in their documentary. It’s a documentary, not a propaganda piece.
And while I personally don’t agree with most of what Savage has to say about asexuality, it’s a fact that he is a very well-known figure (if maybe not well-liked) with regards to the topic of alternate sexualities. And honestly, he’s one of only a very few well-known figures to have even addressed asexuality at all, so I can see why they might want to include him.
Also, this isn’t just a teaching piece meant to explain what asexuality is. If it really wants to explain a lot about asexuality, that also means dealing with how aces are perceived by people who aren’t scholars of asexuality. And for that, Savage is a prime example. For many people, Dan Savage’s column may be the only exposure that they ever get to the idea of asexuality. And the fact that his commentary incites so much anger within the community shows that he has relevance. For better or for worse, Savage has a place in the history of asexuality.
And I don’t really think that we should be judging his inclusion in the documentary until it’s actually out and we can see what he has to say, and how it’s handled. Savage, being who he is, will likely say something offensive, but from what I’ve seen of him it’s pretty much his gig to be offensive to just about everyone, not just aces.
Since we don’t even know how the makers of the documentary are handling it yet, we really shouldn’t start bashing them just for including someone who might have anything other than praise and gold stars for asexuals. If they portray him as a god of truth about asexuality, then yes, that would be problematic. However, if they use him as an example of the kind of nonsense that asexuals have to put up with everyday and explain where he’s wrong, then that would be an excellent choice on their part.
Hi, I’m Maggie and I’m a lesbian. And I love you. I have lots of friends who are asexual. I have heard firsthand how difficult being asexual can be. I have heard about how people always assume you are…
Asexuals don’t have “straight” privilege. No, not even if we are heteroromantics in a relationship with a person who appears to be the binary opposite of the gender we are. We have passing privilege. This is a very important distinction.
“Straight privilege” implies there are asexuality is not actually distinct from heterosexuality (i.e. what the haters have been saying to erase our identities).
“Passing privilege” is what you’re looking for. Namely, we are distinct from heterosexuals, but people who don’t know any better mistake us for being straight like them.
This has been a PSA that will probably make everyone feel bad and hate me :/ (I’m running low on the self-esteem today. I’d ask if I could borrow a cup from someone, but it seems to be in short supply today :/)